Finally, the unthinkable has come to pass: God and mammon have met and merged in the marketplace. Can you believe it? The new blockbuster genre of the 21st century is . . . religion: the Lord and the angels, the agony and the ecstasy, revelation and redemption.

And don't think it's just Mel Gibson who has them flocking like sheep to the multiplex. Look around your local bookstore. Notice a faint glow among the bestsellers? It's probably coming off all those volumes of the apocalyptic "Left Behind" series and Rick Warren's "The Purpose Driven Life," which have topped the bestseller charts for months. Indeed, of the top 10 hardcover bestsellers on the current New York Times fiction and nonfiction lists, six have religious themes or titles.

Apparently a spiritual angle is as good for sales as it is for souls. So doubting publishers, listen up. I have a suggestion for the authors of all those overlooked tomes that never make a dent in the public consciousness. What if they borrowed some of those best-selling (and non-copyrightable) titles to promote their own worthy -- but perhaps slightly less reverent -- opuses?

As a religious professional, I think I can prophesy big sales for works like these:

" The Da Vinci Code," an IRS publication (no. 515). Haven't you always wondered about the ins and outs of tax exemption for payment to foreign artists for services performed in the United States? Learn the secrets in this, uh, gripping page-turner.

"Glorious Appearing," by Condoleezza Rice et al. Days of anguish and strife end when she appears! The transcript of the national security adviser's testimony before the 9/11 commission has everything but a final judgment.

" Deliver Us From Evil" (Tel Aviv edition), by Ariel Sharon. The Israeli argument for keeping some settlements in the West Bank and building a nice wall around them.

"Deliver Us From Evil" (Ramallah edition), by Yasser Arafat. The Palestinian argument for the West Bank as part of the future independent Palestinian state.

" The Five People You Meet in Heaven," by Evel Knievel Jr. A guide to the late superstars of the world's most dangerous and deadly sports, from cave diving and speed skiing to street luging and BASE jumping.

"Angels & Demons," a study by the Pew Research Center for the People and the Press. The United States is evenly divided politically, and more polarized than ever culturally. The sides are armed for battle. But . . . which side is which?

"Ten Minutes From Normal," by Michael Jackson, as told to Spin magazine. The inside story of life and love at the Neverland Ranch.

" Against All Enemies," by Rush Limbaugh and Al Franken. A how-to manual for producers of talk radio. Includes guidance on how to avoid getting hooked on prescription painkillers, and how to hook into Saturday Night Live.

" The Passion," a photo book about John Kerry, with a foreword by Jane Fonda. What he suffered in Vietnam and how it negates any and all charges of being unpatriotic or weak on national security . . . forever.

" The Purpose Driven Life: What On Earth Am I Here For?" by George W. Bush. It's all about weapons of mass destruction . . . no, regime change . . . no, wait . . . liberation of the Iraqi people . . . no. . . .

Of course, authors who long for big bucks should keep in mind these words from the greatest of all bestsellers: "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the kingdom of God." (Mark 10:25)

Hmm . . . "Eye of a Needle." Now that sounds like a great title. . . .

© 2004 The Washington Post Company

Henry G. Brinton is pastor of Fairfax Presbyterian Church and only dreams of being a best-selling author.

Author's e-mail: hgbrinton@aol.com

Link to Henry Brinton's Washington Post Articles Index Page

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