As I lead my church in holiday celebrations this year, I'll be preaching once again about the people of the Christmas story. Among them, of course, are a good number of men: John the Baptist, Joseph, the wise men and the shepherds -- not to mention Baby Jesus himself. But even as I talk about these males and their doings of 2,000 years ago, I'll be looking out over my congregation and noticing something that strikes me every Sunday. Out in the pews, I see more Marys in attendance than Josephs.

Although the church has traditionally been a male bastion -- and though men do continue to occupy leadership positions in many churches -- the Christian community is now a predominantly feminine place. Women outnumber men in most Protestant and Catholic congregations, and gatherings for prayer, Bible study, spiritual growth and discussion of personal concerns tend to attract more women than men. Women are flocking to seminary in such numbers that the ministry in some denominations is becoming a female-dominated profession. And the atmosphere many congregations try to project -- one of inclusiveness, healing, care and concern -- is shaped largely by feminine sensibilities.

On the one hand, this is a positive development after centuries of male control. But on the other, it may be causing men to opt out of involvement in the church, which will have negative effects not only on their own moral development and sense of social responsibility, but also on that of their children and grandchildren, especially boys. And this in turn may have larger repercussions. If boys do not receive character education in communities of faith -- education that comes largely through observing and imitating male role models -- society as a whole is bound to suffer.

In recent months, it has become clear to me that men are looking for a different church experience than women are. "Men are prone to 'do' community, while women are comfortable with 'being' community," says my friend Dan Napolitano, a Roman Catholic layman in Gaithersburg who wishes that churches were "more focused on activities that engage men in reflection through purposeful activity."

I'm discovering that the key to engaging men in the life of my church is not to ask less of them and make them more comfortable -- it's to ask more of them and maybe even make them uncomfortable. This October, I was part of a group of 13 middle-aged men who traveled to Honduras to help build a church camp for children. We started work as early as 6:30 a.m. and often labored until 6 at night -- digging postholes, pouring concrete, carrying cinder blocks and lifting steel beams. One participant, Phil Beauchene, joked that you couldn't pay him enough to do that kind of work in the United States, but in Honduras he was doing it for free and loving it. In the evening, we would return to our hotel for cleanup, happy hour and dinner, followed by a time of Bible study and reflection.

Energized by the work we were doing, we came out of the week feeling closer to God and to each other. I'm convinced the trip was successful because it was physically challenging, task-oriented and far from home. Our focus was sharpened by the fact that we were cut off from telephones, e-mail and the endless demands of the office. It also had an impact because it required each man to sacrifice a week of vacation and $1,500 for airfare, food, lodging and construction supplies.

Similar opportunities will be required if the church is going to reverse its steady loss of male members. Church growth expert Lyle Schaller observes that in 1952, the typical Protestant worship service drew an adult congregation that was 53 percent female and 47 percent male. By 1986, the female proportion was closer to 60 percent, and the men down to 40; in many congregations the split was even wider. These losses continued through the 1990s, and a 2002 survey of more than 300,000 worshipers in more than 2,000 congregations found that Catholic services are now 65 percent female, mainline Protestant services 64 percent female and conservative Protestant services 61 percent female.

But does this imbalance have any real impact on the health of the church -- and beyond that, the community? I'm convinced it does. An intriguing Swiss study from 1994 found that the religious practice of the father of a family determines the future churchgoing habits of the children. Thirty-three percent of children whose parents both attend services regularly will keep up the practice. But only 2 percent of those whose Dad is non-practicing will continue to go to church, even if Mom is a dedicated worshiper. And if Dad worships and Mom doesn't, the percentage of children becoming regular worshipers goes up to 44 percent. And consider this: A 1997 study by Northwestern University and University of Michigan researchers found that church attendance by fathers is associated with higher levels of educational attainment for both sons and daughters.

When men are involved in church, they develop a set of relationships beyond the workplace and its competitive environment. These relationships are critical to male well-being, because they provide not only acceptance and encouragement, but also accountability -- they challenge men to remain faithful to their families, friends and communities. I believe that if men aren't honored for their efforts and encouraged when they struggle, they tend to shirk responsibilities and pursue personal pleasures, leaving behind broken families and communities bereft of strong male role models.

Society suffers if it is full of weak and wandering men -- women don't have trustworthy partners, children grow up without fathers, and young men lose a sense of what it means to be a real man. So there are clear benefits to male involvement in congregational life -- but this alone is not going to bring men through the church doors. Gone are the days when men and women attended church out of a feeling of community obligation or the belief that everlasting salvation depended on Sunday morning attendance. Women still come because they're attracted to ritual and community life, but this isn't necessarily attractive to actionoriented men.

To draw members today, churches have to create opportunities that meet people's personal needs - - including experiences that appeal to male sensibilities. In addition to overseas mission projects, I'm now seeing a number of gatherings and retreats that pull guys away from their day-to-day routines, and challenge them to renew their commitments and deepen their spiritual lives.

Fred Leamnson is a member of Vienna Presbyterian Church and a leader of an interracial and interdenominational spiritual renewal weekend called "The Great Banquet." This opportunity for bonding and spiritual growth is offered to men and women separately, in the belief that men will talk more openly about their spiritual struggles in a single-sex setting. Fred hopes these weekends will help men rediscover their responsibility to God, as well as to their wives, families and communities. "Men need to be accountable," he says. "They need to be held to a higher standard. They will rise up when they know what's at stake and what their responsibility is."

My colleague Ralph Weitz, the stewardship pastor at Immanuel Bible Church in Springfield, holds a once-a-month group called "God's Weekend Warriors" -- a takeoff on the National Guards' slogan. Men eat together, discuss what it means to live as a Christian, and devote two hours to a project -- working with the homeless or gathering medical supplies for overseas missions. Ralph has also had good experiences with the national Promise Keepers movement, which once drew 30,000 men to RFK stadium, and sent a thousand men into the D.C. public schools to spend a day doing maintenance. Another movement of men is the "Wild at Heart" conferences, which encourage men to pursue life and faith with an adventurous spirit and to see Jesus as a vigorous man of action. Led by John Eldredge, who criticizes many churches for being lifeless places, this movement drew a large audience to the MCI Center about a year ago.

This focus on masculine faith can ignite controversy in established churches, however. Carl Waltrip, a member of Fairfax Presbyterian, tells me that he and several others tried a couple of years ago to start a Bible study for men. The idea was to gather men together to talk about how to bring Biblical principles to their lives and relationships. But some church leaders objected, says Carl, because it could have been construed "as encouraging men to be 'in charge' and diminishing women."

The class ended up being open to anyone, male or female, and thus ceased to be an opportunity for men to develop close, authentic relationships with each other. Carl believes that these relationships are critical if men are going to lead responsible lives. Without them, he says, men will not have a circle of male friends to hold them accountable, and "the crisis of broken families, fatherless children, and powerless men will continue."

A man does not have to be a Promise Keeper, however, to benefit from taking part in a structured gathering of men. At Christian Community Presbyterian Church in Bowie, the "Paper Tigers" reading group has strengthened the bonds of the 15 men who get together every Wednesday morning to discuss a book and has inspired members to remain at church after the gatherings to engage in various activities.

Church leaders who want to see more men in church will have to balance feminine and masculine approaches -- lifting up the importance of "being community" through personal connections, but also stressing the need to "do community" by achieving specific goals and objectives. A full range of opportunities will have to be offered if the men of our society are going be influenced and molded by our congregations, and pass on examples of moral living and community involvement to the generations that will follow. Author's e-mail: hgbrinton@aol.com Henry Brinton is pastor of Fairfax Presbyterian Church.

© 2004 The Washington Post Company

Henry Brinton is pastor of Fairfax Presbyterian Church.
Author's e-mail: hgbrinton@aol.com

Link to Henry Brinton's Washington Post Articles Index Page

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