Avast, me hearties! Shiver me timbers! Arrrrrrr!

It’s coming this month. September 19th, to be exact. “Talk Like a Pirate Day.”

If you’re not familiar with this holiday, you’ve obviously been spending too much time doing useful and important things. But if you are in the habit of surfing the internet, then maybe you have stumbled across this ridiculous excuse for a holiday. It’s a day devoted to talking like a pirate. Just for kicks. Because it is funny. Because you can.

Just be careful not to go too far, and call a close friend a “scurvy bilge rat.” She might not be amused.

Talk Like a Pirate Day was invented by a couple of guys — no surprise there. They picked September 19 because it was not cluttered up with Christmas or the Super Bowl or any other important events. For years, the two of them celebrated the day in private, just talking like pirates to each other, but then humorist Dave Barry caught word of the holiday and wrote a column about it. He thought the idea was so original that surely the creators of the day needed to be on medication.

Dave Barry ended up inviting all of his readers to join the movement and celebrate the holiday. On September 19, do not answer the phone with “hello,” he recommends. Instead, answer the phone with “Ahoy, me hearty!” If the caller protests, saying that he is not a hearty, call him a scurvy dog who will soon be walking the plank and ending up in Davy Jones’ locker.

You’ll have fun … guaranteed!

Given that Talk Like a Pirate Day is just around the corner, it is fitting that today’s passage of Scripture is the advice of James about taming the tongue. “Look at ships,” says James, sounding like a salty sea dog: “though they are so large that it takes strong winds to drive them, yet they are guided by a very small rudder wherever the will of the pilot directs. So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great exploits” (James 3:4-5).

Makes you want to say “Aye!”

The tongue is a small but powerful instrument, able to have an effect that is every bit as influential as the rudder on a pirate ship. Think of the power of words you have heard, or that you have spoken, over the course of your life. “You are too small to be a good basketball player,” says a youth league coach. “Girls should steer clear of science and engineering,” advises a parent. “You can’t be a Christian and believe that!” scolds a member of a Bible study. “You are such a loser,” says a cool kid in the high school cafeteria. “Don’t tell your parents,” warns an abusive uncle, “no one will believe you.”

You know the devastating power of words. You’ve heard them. You’ve felt them. As a preacher, I have to take words very seriously — I know that what is spoken from this pulpit can either build up this congregation, or break it down. James knows the power of words as well, which is why he says in today’s passage, “How great a forest is set ablaze by a small fire! And the tongue is a fire” (vv. 5-6). He knows that the tongue can be used to discourage, dismay, deceive and destroy the precious children of God, and he describes it as “a restless evil, full of deadly poison” (v. 8).

Is there any way for us to tame the tongue?

The challenge for us is to Talk Like a Christian, not Talk Like a Pirate. Talk like Jesus, not like Johnny Depp in "Pirates of the Caribbean." This means that we do not use our tongues to “bless the Lord and Father” one minute, and then “curse those who are made in the likeness of God” the next (v. 9). It is not appropriate to offer up enthusiastic praise to God on Sunday, and then call your coworker a stinking bilge rat on Monday.

So what does it mean for us to Talk Like a Christian — not just on one day in September, but throughout the year? It’s really very easy to talk like a pirate, since all you need to do say an occasional Ahoy! … Avast! … or Arrr! But faithful Christian speech requires more than the proper vocabulary, more than a specialized knowledge of grog, hornpipes, timbers and yardarms.

To talk like a Christian, we need to speak to other people with a full awareness that they are created in God’s image. This means that we see them not as scalawags, but as men and women who are created in the image and likeness of God, breathed into being with the breath of God himself (Genesis 1:26, 2:7). There is a holiness built into each human being, and we miss an important aspect of their existence when we overlook this quality.

Would you ever attempt to talk in a nasty or hateful way to the Lord? Of course not! Our respect for God is far too high.. So why do we behave this way toward our brothers and sisters? In my counseling sessions with people over the years, I have seen again and again the power of words. “I can’t trust you” and “I hate you” are like knives to the heart … while “I forgive you” and “I love you” can begin to heal a broken and hurting relationship.

It is difficult, of course, to see the image of God in a person who has committed horrendous crimes — rape and murder, for example. But Sister Helen Prejean, the author of Dead Man Walking, believes that every person is worth more than his worst act. Every person bears the image of God, even if he has strayed far from God’s way. In 1982, Sister Helen began corresponding with a death row inmate, and ministered to him right up to his execution. After he took responsibility for his crimes of murder and rape, Sister Helen said to him: “You have dignity now, nobody can ever take that from you. You are a son of God.”

If we can believe that about a death row inmate, we can believe it about our most annoying family members and friends.

In addition, to talk like a Christian means that our words are a reflection of the Word of God. Go way back to the book of Genesis, and you see that God’s word is creative — not destructive. God says “Let there be light” … and there is light. God says “Let the waters bring forth swarms of living creatures” … and there are all kinds of fish. God says, “Let the earth bring forth living creatures” … and there are cattle and wild animals (Genesis 1:3, 20, 24). It’s clear that God’s words are designed to be creative, to bring order out of chaos, and to make something good.

Can the same be said of our words? Before you open your mouth to speak, you would be wise to apply what I would call “The Genesis Test” to what you are about to say. Is it creative? Does it bring order out of chaos? Does it make something good?

If not, it’s better to remain silent.

James is aware that our tongues can be both creative and destructive, and he knows that they do not always pass The Genesis Test. “From the same mouth come blessing and cursing,” he says. “My brothers and sisters, this ought not to be so” (v. 10). Better for us to keep our mouths shut than to pollute the word of God with a destructive word of gossip or unfair criticism.

Finally, when we talk like a Christian, we speak in a way that is in line with the teachings of Jesus, the one who is the Word of God in human form. This is a huge challenge for us, because Jesus takes speech seriously, and he issues numerous warnings about the consequences of our language. For Jesus, words are never cheap — and they always pack a punch.

“You have heard that it was said to those of ancient times, ‘You shall not murder.’” No surprise there. But then Jesus says, “But I say to you that if you are angry with a brother or sister, you will be liable to judgment … and if you say, ‘You fool,’ you will be liable to the hell of fire” (Matthew 5:21-22). He warns us against using empty phrases in our prayers (6:7) … he tells us not to judge others (7:1) … he wraps everything up in the command to “do to others as you would have them do to you” (7:12). For Jesus, words are every bit as important as actions, because he knows that they have the power to build up or break down.

Talking is more than chit-chat, according to Jesus. It’s a matter of life and death, with words of love and forgiveness having a radically different impact than words of hate and condemnation. As the Word of God in human flesh, Jesus takes all of this very personally.

So you can make your own decision about whether to Talk Like a Pirate this month. I’ll be reminded of the day by this little pirate chest, which my son Sam brought me from Scout Camp in Florida. It’s all in good fun, it’s a way to feel bold and daring, and it really won’t affect you — unless you slip up and call your boss a scalawag.

But if you Talk Like a Christian, you’ll be setting sail with Jesus on a most amazing adventure. Amen.

Sources:
Barry, Dave. “Arrrrr! Talk like a pirate — or prepare to be boarded.” Miami Herald. September 8, 2002. www.miami.com

Baur, John, and Summers, Mark. “Talk Like A Pirate Day — September 19.” Talk Like A Pirate Day Website. www.talklikeapirate.com